January 18, 2017


Boundaries or beef

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Over the years I’ve made decisions to dissolve friendships with some pretty significant people in my life. While doing this is never easy, and despite what it may look or feel like, arriving at said decision is an arduous process (to say the least). There’s an old adage, “people are in your life for a season, reason, or lifetime.” I think there’s merit to this. It’s tough breaking up, though! Especially when you’ve shared so much of yourself and your time with someone.

As I write this, I’m reflecting on one friendship in particular. There was no way I ever imagined this person would no longer be a part of my life. Our lives were so intertwined and intentionally so. She was my right hand!

At the point in which it became obvious to me it was time to move on, I struggled so much with even understanding what that would look like. Unbeknownst to her, I’d spent close to a year going through the entire grief cycle prior to finally being able to communicate my decision. I literally had to grieve the loss of our friendship before it even officially ended. But here’s the thing…I know that for the person on the other side of this type of decision, the only thing that truly matters is that for some unknown reason, they’ve been rejected! As far as they knew, things were fine or at least tolerable. So they often feel blindsided by the suggestion to part ways. Listen! I’ve been on that side myself. I know it doesn’t feel good. There are still times when I struggle with accepting I’ve been removed from a certain friend’s life. But when she broke it down to me, I couldn’t be mad. I got it! I didn’t like it but I got it.

Even though it wouldn’t make a difference, sometimes I wish my old friends knew how much I still truly love and care for them. I think there’s this misconception that if you’re no longer friends it automatically means you’re beefing (or at odds). This is far from true, at least in my life. Honestly, if one of them called today and needed me to show up for them, I would likely do it. The dynamics of these relationships have no doubt changed, but their place in my heart has not.


“Previously published by Harness Magazine at”

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