What in the world does dating have to do with broccoli? Well…nothing really! But in a tender moment shared between Roz and Frasier on the 90’s television show Frasier, Roz attempted to cheer her friend up by implying the women he dated were just unaware of how good he was for them. Frasier retorted in his typical melodramatic way, “Terrific! I’m the broccoli of dating.” I laughed hysterically at this line because I could all too well relate to the underlying sentiments, and thus it became the theme for my blog!
Last night, I commiserated with a dear friend of mine over the offensive things well-meaning people say to their single friends. Roz, like many of the people in my life, intended to be encouraging and endearing in her attempt to console Frasier. Yet, her statement hardly eased the frustration he often felt with every failed attempt to land himself in a “successful” relationship.
After the hilarity of Frasier’s retort wore off, I reflected for a good while about just how much the comparison between broccoli and dating fit my dating experience. About seven years ago, I made the decision to become abstinent and save sex for marriage. At the time, it was an easy decision, and it made sense. I did not realize however, how much this would impact my dating life. I struggled for years learning how and when to inform men of my vow. I still don’t have a set time frame or way of sharing this, but I am much more confident in my commitment to abstinence before marriage.I’m also resolved in being ok with whatever my suitor decides is best for him (e.g. continuing to pursue me or cutting his losses).
Spoiler alert–not having sex is a deal breaker for many men. Getting accustomed to this was pretty frustrating. There were a few men over the years that I really liked but was unable to move forward with because we didn’t share the same values. Interestingly enough, every man that decided to cut their losses has at some point circled back around to let me know how much they respect and honor me for my values.
This is what came to mind as I reflected on Frasier’s statement. Like broccoli, no matter how good I was for them, they still weren’t willing to commit.
Fortunately for my sanity and confidence, I have met some distinguished gentlemen along the way whose values have aligned with mine. While navigating these interactions is slightly easier, they can also come with challenges. My girlfriends have laughed and cried with me as I’ve shared the tales of my dating life. I’m thankful to have such a wonderful and trusting group of friends. I realize though, sometimes it’s difficult to share things with your friends. It’s also really common to feel alone in your experiences.
With this blog, I am opening my personal and dating life up to other single women with the hopes of uplifting and normalizing your experiences. Also note, I am still single. It was important to me to mention that so you know I am right there in the trenches with you. We’re gonna figure this thing out, gosh darn it!