The only thing cool about me is my clothes (and I guess even that is subjective lol). Otherwise, I’m awkward, weird and slightly rough around the edges. Despite these things, I am a woman of conviction. I don’t pretend to be anything other than who I am. Unfortunately, this hasn’t always worked in my favor in dating relationships.
Years ago I met this guy. Let’s call him Aaron. Aaron was extremely handsome—well he is extremely handsome. I won’t hate). He’s about 6’2”, brown skin, athletic build and has dimples. Ummmm yeah!
Aaron was playing professional football at the time and acutely focused on his career. He and I had a mutual friend. Let’s call this friend Benny. Benny and I had gotten pretty close over the years. Aaron hinted at finding out what I was about but was under the impression Benny and I were seeing each other. We played this cat and mouse game for a few years.
Now…all this time Aaron was a professing Christian. He was known for posting scripture and faith-related messages on his social media pages. (Bear with me, I’m getting to the point of the story. Just needed to set it up.) Fast forward another year or so, I’m in the midst of what would be a long healing journey, and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I ran into Aaron some time later and shared this great news with him. We exchanged some more words and agreed to go out on a date. Unbeknownst to him, he was the first (professing) Christian man I dated after coming to Christ. I was extremely nervous because I didn’t know what Christian dating should look like. I knew what dating looked like in my “hay day,” but obviously this would be different (or so I thought). I was intentional about dressing modestly (but by no means homely) and I prayed beforehand; that my thoughts, words, and actions would be pleasing to the Lord and that He would be in the midst of our conversations. I even suggested meeting at Starbucks as opposed to a dimly lit restaurant. I thought for sure I’d set myself up for success.
We both arrived and he was looking like a dip (aka honey dip–I know I’m corny) as usual. I, in my awkwardness could only think to talk about things of the Lord. I saw that he was getting annoyed with this, but while it was awkward, it was also extremely genuine. The fact of the matter is, that is exactly where I was. I was in the process of working through some life-long challenges, and I’d been able to experience God work miracles in my heart. So, honestly God and His goodness was truly all I could talk about at that time. I imagine Aaron felt I was trying to impress him. I attempted to ease up but then things seemed even weirder.
And then came the unexpected…Aaron asked me why I chose to wear a long dress as opposed to a tight shirt and tight jeans to show my shape. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had on a maxi dress and heels. You would have thought I had on a potato sack. Then he questioned why I selected Starbucks as opposed to…you guessed it, a dimly lit restaurant. Seriously WTH! Welp, his intentions were pretty clear. Ugh!
The regard in which I previously held Aaron came crashing down. I was so disappointed and confused. I wondered if there really were any differences between Christian and secular dating. Thankfully, time in has taught me there are stark differences. I learned from that experience to not necessarily take men (or anyone else for that matter) at face value when they say they are Christian. Now, I watch to observe whether actions align with words spoken.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control… – Galatians 5:22-23